The Libertines have reformed. With all the absolute garbage clogging up the airwaves at the moment, people think we’ve still got room for more.

Do we really need a second dose of this wretched excuse for a band?

Their first album was hailed as a “masterpiece” by Zane Lowe, which should tell you all you need to know – pretentious “indie” navel-gazing, undergraduate pseudo-intellectual poetry and an “edgy” image. Poor musicians, playing poorly-written songs. And no, I don’t buy the idea that Doherty is a genius who has squandered his talent on drugs. Early Libertines tracks show absolutely no hint of any kind of lyrical talent whatsoever:

There are fewer more distressing sights than that of an Englishman in a baseball cap

How droll. Is that more or less distressing than the sight of an overpaid smackhead in a trilby? Also check out this little gem:

And all the memories of the pubs
And the clubs and the drugs and the tubs
We shared together…

which is doggerel that would make Damien Rice blush.

Behind the pathetic little soap opera of the Doherty/Barât tiffs there is nothing interesting going here, musically or lyrically. Christ, the Kinks used to kick the shit out of eachother on stage, but at least they wrote some tremendous songs in the meantime.

But I digress. My main beef this edition is with band reformations. Blondie; Duran Duran; New Kids On The Block; The Sex Pistols; The Doors; INXS; A-ha; Spandau Frigging Ballet…

Now, I’m not saying that these people shouldn’t be allowed to reform (though I’d have much preferred it if half of them hadn’t formed in the first place). My problem is with the amount of money and airplay that’s given to these overblown, embarrassing anticlimaxes. I remember shouting at my television as I watched New Order limp through their atrocious comeback single “Jetstream” on Jonathan Ross’s show. They couldn’t play; they couldn’t sing; they looked ridiculous; and the song itself was pathetic.

But the thing that angered me was that the band spot on the show that night could have been given to a new band that was actually doing something interesting.

Alarmingly, it was on this same show (why was I watching it?!) that Duran Duran launched their similarly bland comeback single “(Reach Up For The) Sunrise”, to which the band was miming and Simon Le Bon was only occasionally singing. At one point, something went wrong with the backing track and the scale of their musical ineptitude became all too clear.

Again – why not give the spot to a band who’d bothered to write a decent song, rehearse it and perform it well, rather than this shower of shite who were so smugly reliant on the nostalgia of their aging fans that they didn’t bother to do things properly.

The main reason for these reunions is almost always money. Specifically, the drummer or bass player can’t pay the tax man, so they need to bleed some more cash from their former fans. And record companies and promoters happily go along with it: the teenage fans of yesteryear are now in their thirties and forties – more disposable income to spend at a more upmarket venue, as well as picking up another greatest hits collection with bonus tracks unavailable anywhere else!

Don’t be fooled!

You used to love them when you were 13, but you’re not 13 any more and they’re not 21. You kind of like the new single, but deep down you know that the new album is going to be pretty disappointing – like the old stuff but not as good. And though you convince yourself it’ll be good to hear all your old favourites played live, do you really want to stand there and watch your idols prancing around on stage in clothes that they really shouldn’t be wearing in that condition, failing to reach the high notes, and occasionally ruining a great old record by playing a “new version to kick it into the 21st Century”?

Rarely – very rarely – a band gets back together and actually does something good. So go! Go and see what they’re doing; buy the album if you like it. Good music is good music, regardless of who’s making it.

But crap music is still crap music, even if it’s released by someone who used to be great. They’re relying on you to sleepwalk into handing over your money for the sake of nostalgia. And the more money you spend on lazy, complacent rot, the more attention record companies will give it, and the more new artists will be denied their chance.

Besides, I’ve been complaining about The Libertines for nearly a decade – can’t you give me something new to slag off?

Quimby