Quimby: For Those About to Rock – Don’t Bother!
Figures released by the Official Charts Company this month have revealed that rock songs are gradually vanishing from the charts.
Rock sales have dropped by 18% this year, with pop (whatever that is) and Urban (eh?) rising about 30% a-piece.
So what?
Aren’t you lot always saying rock is supposed to be anti-establishment, and not catering for the masses? Why do you care that you’re not getting any hits? Isn’t writing a song that gets to number 1 just selling out? You sanctimonious, whining hypocrites!
Rock’s become the ugly kid at school who sits around writing poetry, hating the popular kids for being popular; but all the time wishing he was part of their crowd.
You claim that your lyrics are meaningful, and your music challenging - it takes time and concentration to really understand what you’re doing, because it’s just so damn important. It’s not just chewing gum for the ears, right? No – it’s real music played by real musicians with stubble and body odour.
Fine – but here’s the wake up call: YOU’RE BORING! Nobody is interested in investing the time and effort it takes to get through your ghastly, railing-against-the-world album of pseudo-intellectual clap-trap, because you’re just not that important to anyone but yourself and possibly your mum.
And while I’m sure you’ve got lots to say about American influence on UK foreign policy, with allusions to Tolstoy, Milton and the Usborne Book of Military History, I’d still rather not be shouted at about it by a gap-year twat with a “Free Palestine” badge.
The reason why rock is slipping down the charts is because it’s decided (as it does from time to time) that it has something really important to say. It doesn’t. Rock came about because the guys who weren’t sporty enough to get on the football team needed to find another way to get the girls’ attention. It’s all about getting laid – that’s all it’s ever been about.
People have simple tastes and simple needs – they want to sing along and jump around for three minutes, not try and contend with some atonal garbage that Simon Frith says is “urgent” and “vital”. And the sooner you sweaty Neanderthals realise that the sooner you might start getting some hits.
Of course then you’ll be accused of “selling out”…
Quimby
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